FlashCast By PDB, With Phil Di Bella

The value of authenticity!!
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Phil: [00:00:00] Hi, you're listening to Phil Di Bella and this is Flash Cast by PDB. Today I wanna talk about authenticity. I get asked a lot of questions and I had some specifics. Ones come in, which I hope to answer in this as such as how can a person show authenticity? What does it actually mean to be authentic? It's something that I've talked about for.

20 years in business. And it's starting to become a buzzword. And I think in a world where we live of people presenting in certain way and acting in a different way, this word is gonna be a really a future word. It's, it's a, it's, it's always meant something to me, but I think for a lot of people it's, it's now coming onto the radar.

So let's discuss the concept of authenticity. You know, put simply authenticity is that you're true to your own values. For me, it's a person who's authentic is true to their values. They know what their values. They live their values. They talk their values. You know, for me it's a see it say [00:01:00] it. I say to people things like, what do I mean by it?

So let me elaborate. What does authenticity mean to me? As an example, tell me nothing or tell me the truth. I don't expect people to have to tell me as a friend or even in a work scenario. Don't expect everyone to have to tell me everything. But if they're gonna tell me, then it has to be the truth. It can't be an extension of the truth.

It can't be a lie. So I say to people, don't tell me or tell me the truth. To me, that's, that's, that's an example of authenticity. You you're honest with yourself and you are honest with others. And of course, that's the next part, is that how you expect people to behave with you is how you gotta expect with others.

I don't have to tell everyone my business, I don't have to always tell people what I think. But if they want to hear it then I'm gonna tell 'em the the truth. I'm not gonna tell 'em what they want to hear. Sometimes I'm gonna tell 'em what I think they need to hear. And of course, it doesn't mean that I'm right.

Doesn't mean that they have to take it on board. But they know that I'm gonna be authentic. And of course, being authentic at times can rock the boat. It can stir friendships and all the rest of it. But again, put simply, it means that you are true to your own value. And of course to be true to your value, you [00:02:00] actually have to understand you know, what your values are.

So you know, what are some examples of authenticity is. Is, is a question I get asked? Well, an example one is self-awareness. You know, the ability to understand yourself, the ability to understand your emotions to know when you're getting angry, when you're happy, when you're upset, when you can feel yourself about to say something that you might need to, or you might not need to.

That's an example of authenticity, responsibility, taking resp, being responsible for your actions. Being responsible for your words is another example. I. Which is I say is the difference between what you say and what you do. If you say one thing and do another, well, then that's a great way to show that you don't have much integrity.

Somebody that has high integrity will always follow through with what they say they're going to do. Vulnerability is another example of authenticity. Being vulnerable, open, and understanding that you can't always be right. Allowing yourself to be put in that position to be correct. You know, being vulnerable is, is an example of authenticity.

Passion is obviously another example. People that are passionate, you [00:03:00] know, they go, they're resilient, they're going, they get knocked down, they get back up, they keep going. To me, passion is resilience Direct. You know, line of it. You know, and, and another way to look at it too is value in experiences. To me, somebody who's authentic values, experiences, they want to learn, they like hanging around people with a lot more wisdom that know more than them.

They, they love being in learning mode. They love, they love being a better because they want to be a better version of themselves. They're constantly in learning mode. So they put themselves, you know, in that, in that realm that they want to be learning. And from experiences of. You know, another question that I got asked around authenticity is well gimme some examples of authentic behaviors.

Well, let's say that behaving authentically actually means that you're acting in line with your values, your preferences and your needs as opposed to just pleasing others. So think about that last part. So you're acting in line with your values, your preferences. Versus doing something just to please others.

It also means that you're doing this versus trying to portray something that you're not [00:04:00] trying to set an expectation from somebody of something you can't deliver. That is something to understand. So let's really focus in on that. It's, it's a, it's, it's about understanding and acting in a accord with your values versus one trying to please somebody else.

Two, complying with somebody's expectations or three, conforming to social. So, you know, in a world at the moment where a lot of this is happening, you know, social media, everyone's an Instagram model. Everybody's an influencer or wants to be you'll see that there's a lack of authenticity, of course, because there's a lack of authenticity.

It's diluting a lot of messages. And why is it authentic? Because why, why is it important? This whole concept of authenticity? Because it's all about acting in your values. It's, it's all about enacting in the best interest of yourself and in your. Right. Versus one trying to comply with others. So not being a people pleaser and, and.

You know, which parts flows onto setting expectations that you can't deliver. Or three, which is very, very dangerous to, [00:05:00] to one's person, is that we feel that we have to conform to social norms. So therefore, we're being disingenuous, we're being unauthentic because we're, we're not being who we are.

We're not showcasing our values, we're actually trying to portray something that we're not because we think that we have to conform to a social norm. And we see a lot of that happening. And of course, the byproduct. Is anxiety, depression, all the negative stuff that happens. So you'll find that there's a direct link to people that are very authentic that, that you know, show authentic behaviors.

And, and in specific they admit when they, what they don't know, they're aware of themselves all the time. They have strong values and they live them, and they listen carefully to others. You know, the, these are great ways to see if somebody's authentic. Now the people that do these things, that they admit that they're wrong, they're aware of themselves, they have strong values, and they listen to.

You find that these people are less likely to suffer anxiety and depression because they're not trying to be something that they're not. They're constantly trying to be themselves. Now, one of the questions I got asked directly around this is, why do certain [00:06:00] people struggle with authenticity now? They struggle with authenticity because it's a lack of self-esteem.

right? They're not comfortable in who they are. That's why you've gotta know your values, know your values, know what makes you happy, upset, sad, and all the rest of it, cuz this will build your self-esteem. The next part is that they have fear of judgment. That people are gonna judge you. And guess what?

People will always judge you. So don't fear the judgment. Get. Comfortable with others judging you. That's my advice. There is, you know, hearing judgment means that you think that you're never gonna live in a world without judgment. You're gonna have judgment all the time. It's living, being able to understand and living that with the fear of judgment by saying, you know what?

I'm comfortable with who I am. I have a strong self-esteem. I'm comfortable with who I am. I know my values. I know who I am. I'm not always gonna get it right. I'm working on being better today than yesterday. And the. , you can take that judgment and you deal with that judgment by others, right? And then the next thing that people do wrong is they have this strong desire for people to love them, to like them.

You know what? Like and loving somebody [00:07:00] is a byproduct of who they are. Think about that loving and like those concepts of loving somebody and liking somebody is a byproduct of actually understanding who they. Loving their I'm understanding their values, knowing their values, aligning with their values, aligning with their val, you know, like my top value is authenticity, right?

It's in my top three, so therefore somebody who's going to love me and like me, somebody who really values the fact that I value authenticity. Think about that. That's what's gonna bring somebody to like me or love me. It's not me trying to put something out in this strong desire for somebody to like me.

So you need to make sure that you really understand that it's all about being. You, of course we've all seen those show offs, right? The peacock in the group, the person's strutting around and bragging and talking themselves up. You know, marketing is what people say about you. Sorry. Brand is what people say about you when you leave the room.

Be conscious of this. An authentic person, and I put [00:08:00] this to the test for yourself and for others. An authentic person will be able to tell you exactly what people say about them when they leave the room. , they will understand their brand. And I use an example of somebody who's got so much talent, but is their own worst enemy because they think that everybody loves them and they think that everybody loves them because that's what they tell them.

But what they don't realize is when this person leaves the room, what people say about them is completely different. Now again, not mentioning names and not mentioning all the rest of it. However, this person is somebody who has so much potential. This is somebody who has so much talent, but this is also a person who they, they're their own worst enemy, purely because they think.

That they're loved and liked by everybody. They're actually not authentic, and more importantly, the people around them are not authentic because when the person leaves the room, what they say about 'em is completely different. You don't want to be a that person, and B, you don't wanna surround yourself with people like that.

For me, it's about having people around me that are authentic. They tell me what I need to hear, not what I want to hear. It's about people's values aligning with me about being authentic. They don't need to tell me everything, but if [00:09:00] you're gonna tell me something, tell me the truth. Don't lie about it, rather say nothing.

or tell the truth. These are the types of people that I gravitate to that I like. Now, everybody's different. Everybody has a different social being. Everybody has a different social calendar. Everybody interacts with people in a different way. What works for me doesn't necessarily gonna work for you or anybody else.

The purpose of this is for people to understand more about the concept of authenticity, and we should all be working on being authentic and that authenticity comes from your values. So understand what your values. Surround yourself with the right people and go and be the best you can be. Till next time, this is Phil Di Bella and you've been listening to FlashCast by PDB. [00:10:00]