FlashCast By PDB, With Phil Di Bella

 Hi, this is Phil Di Bellaand you're listening to FlashCast by PDB. And, um, just on the way back from, uh, dropping friends off at the airport and, um, In the beautiful place of Queenstown, which we love to visit, me and my family. So I've been here over the holiday period and we've had three different groups of friends come and stay with us and have to say it's something that we, um, love and adore as a family, is to have our friends come and stay.

So today's topic is all about why it's important to have good friends. In your life as, um, Jim Collins talks about either some of the five people that you have around you, and of course, as I say that we have a personal, professional and, um, a family areas of our life. So it's not just five people that will always obviously tick all of those boxes, or one of them.

It's um, around having the right. Uh, professional people around you. It's about having the right, personal, um, friends around you, and obviously family, friends as well are important. So I, um, I certainly use the three categories to ensure that I look at who I've got in my life. Some people call it your tribe.

Some people call it, you know, friendship, whatever it is, but the importance of it, obviously. There's many, um, scientific reasons and, and feel good reasons. You know, it's been proven that, uh, friendship can extend life expectancy, um, and lower chance of heart disease. You'll hear stuff like this all the time.

But, um, lemme tell you a bit about how I go about it, of course. Myself, like anybody else have, uh, not always gotten it right. And there's been times that you have people in your life that you think are friends and, um, something happens and they don't, and reflection. I wanted to do this recording. I've, and around, but just that.

What I've found so far is that the common word is values, um, is that the people that you have in your life at a certain time will always depend on the values. Um, and when your values align, then it's great. You've got the right people around you, you get along, you, you know, you get on well. And sometimes those values are around family.

Sometimes those values are around hard work. Um, you know, but obviously common values to me are authenticity. They're trust, they're loyalty. Something that I've, um, over the years have had some great experiences in and positive experiences and, um, especially of late some negative experiences. And you know what?

I've made a promise to myself that, um, I'll make me stronger. Um, I let the negative experiences tear down, um, a simple check, a simple, uh, pause, regather, regroup, and then move forward. But I, it's a great time to reflect on what makes friends important, and it keeps coming back to that word values. . Um, and again, what I actually value in people is authenticity.

I value people doing, taking the position of what can I do for you rather than, what can I take from you? And that's something that, um, if I have to dissect it down, is, is something when I've had a negative experience over the years with people when, you know, we all evolve and we all grow out of friendships and we move on.

Um, and I like to, um, deal with that in a certain way, which I'll, I'll address later, um, because I don't like arguing. But, um, you know, the, the concept that I really wanna talk about here is around the values. Um, and ensuring that when you've got the right people around you, it's what you can do for each other rather than what you can take from each other.

And if I sat down and mapped out the people that I get on best with, um, including the friends I've just dropped off at the airport, is that constant. If we have any arguments, the argument is actually about what can we do for each other? So we're arguing around who's gonna pay the bill? We're gonna, we're arguing about who's gonna stand up while someone sits down.

We're arguing over who's gonna cook the meal or wash the dishes, or, it's always an, an arguing, so to speak, you know, as a common about what we can do for each other, not what we can take from each other. So, point number one of this flash cast is to really sit down and, and ask yourself, do the friends around you, whether it's professional work or personal, Adopt the position of what can I do for you rather than what I can take from you.

So that's the first section that I wanted to cover. Next section I wanted to cover around friendship revolves, affect, detachment, all in, and as I said, good, bad. Positive, but they're all experiences and they're all learning. They're all opportunities for us to get better, smarter, wiser, and get better at what we do.

And lets help you become better at what you do rather than change who you in a, a negative. But the concept that I talk about that comes from the whole concept of affectionate detachment is rather than break away from people, rather than move away from somebody in an angry, hurtful, despite. Um, unpleasant manner.

The terminology is about affectionate, detachment, detaching affectionately from people. And when I look back at using my parents as an example, is that I don't wanna see myself. Getting torn up inside by arguing with people. I, I actually don't like arguing. I don't like negativity. Um, I've had plenty of it over the years, as you do in business and friendship or the rest of it.

However, they're never experiences that I've enjoyed. Now some people thrive on it. I don't, but something that's really helped me over the years after doing a swami course. The of affection detachment. It's about sitting down and saying, how can I nicely detach from this person or from this, even this situation so that it's not gonna destroy me inside?

It's make person not a worse person. So whil part one is do I have the right people around me? Do I have the people? Have the mindset of what can I do for you rather than, what can I take from you? The moment that you discover that you don't, then part two of the flash and part two of the message in it is learn the affectionate detachment detaching affectionately, which often means understanding the why these people are not right for you, and then moving away slowly and in a polite.

Understanding that there's no reason to argue or feel like be ugly or make it terrible, but to move away in a very polite manner that helps you and might possibly help the other party detach from each other. . Now, again, as I always say, these are my opinions and my thoughts and my experiences. Um, they're not always gonna be right and they're not always gonna suit everybody, and that's ok.

But for me, uh, relationships are important to me. Everything's about people and it's something that often comes up and always gonna happen is that today we get on with people Tomorrow we won't. Today we're close to people tomorrow we won't be. Friendship evolves just like life evolves, business evolves.

But the two things that have really helped me come to grips with things and I keep saying is one, does this person right now want the best for me? Is does this person contribute to my life and share my values? Do they, are they in a position of a mindset of what they can do for me, or rather what they can take.

And then part two is if this person isn't in that position, how can I affectionately detach without there being any arguments or hurtful feelings or damaging feelings to myself or to the other part? Again, not an easy topic to tackle. Uh, something that, um, hopefully, will help many people. And of course, as usual, I, uh, would love feedback on it.

But, um, until next time, you've been listening to Phil Di Bella, and this is FlashCast by PDB.